I found this article at a website called http://www.olweus.org/
They have some great information about bullying. Much of their information has to do with children and school bullying, however much of the information applies to adults as well.
I thought the example of the BULLYING CIRCLE was very interesting and I can see how this circle applied with my experience of the bullies at MWOP. I could tell you player by player who fits in what category.
How about you....see how a bully you have crossed paths with could find a spot on that BULLY CIRCLE?
The Bullying Circle
Nearly one in five students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying in some way. The rest of the students, called bystanders, are also affected by the bullying.1
The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program describes students involved or witnessing a bullying situation as having roles in the Bullying Circle2:
8 comments:
So, I've been trying to figure out where I fit in the A-G definitions and have come to the conclusions that where I fall depends upon who is being bullied and for what. I can see myself falling anywhere B-G, depending on those factors. I'm not thrilled with including myself in the B group, but feel I have to since I was an active participant in OHIH, for example. Actually, I need to rethink that and include A, since I guess if I'm going to be all honest and stuff (dammit), I've bullied Wendy since I came to realize what a jackass she is. I'm curious as to where others think they fall...someone else better confess, too!
Lisa:
One thing I have learned since I started this site is that it made me look at myself like I never had before. I didn't like some of the things I saw!
I agree...I'm guilty also of being on that circle....I've probably been in each spot...
I'm not proud of that, like I shared before...but I know I have grown from it. I think one of the main reasons I continue to post info I find about bullying is because I think we all are guilty of bullying at some time in our life. I believe that because of shame, not being honest with ourselves or fear...we have trouble owning it.
I think you are like me...you can own it and maybe step back and see that sometimes it may have been wrong. I noticed you doing just this when you talked about the GM issue with the ladies on Oppsie Daisy. I know many have viewed you as a leader and I think you stepping forward and saying..."Hey maybe we were wrong" made some others say the same. If you can't remember WHY you said something about someone...chances are...it wasn't FACT!!! I defended her cause I saw the BIG picture and knew if I had to believe one or the other...meaning Krista or GM...I knew what side of the fence I was going to be on. The history spoke for itself! Not to mention I know who started that rumor and that in it self was enough for me...just think of the person you said you bullied...
The last thing I wanted to say was I noticed many on your blog have said WHY did GM put my name on that list? I think if each one of these ladies goes backs and looks at the things they said on Oppsie Daisy I think that will answer that question. I'm not saying it was wrong or right...I am just saying I read the nasty comments they wrote about her BEFORE she ever posted the names...again I think people forget what they say. Just like people tend to have the posse mentality and all it took was for one person to say something mean and 25 people who didn't know her joined in. Someone named Penny aka Sandy said I deserved the Porn being put on this site...perfect example of someone who doesn't know me...never even had a conversation with this person...choosing to join the posse and say things about me and then question why her name got mentioned on a site as being a hater....well I think it is obvious. Like I said not going to debate the right and wrong of the list only bringing up the reason WHY it happened.
I have done the same and will continue to do it...if you are going to slander me on the Internet, tell lies and bully me....I will make you famous! If you are going to do this I will make sure people know the IRL name that goes with the bully. Now of course I can't always do this cause I don't always have the resources to find the name....
Did you see the whip come down on "not Shelmo" this afternoon? And by Shell none the less! LMAO! Oh Shelmo, maybe your ranking in the group is falling a bit :)
No I missed it and I don't see it any place...
Maybe it has been removed...
Working on a new post now and it has some INTERESTING stuff about a MWOPer...
"I think you are like me...you can own it and maybe step back and see that sometimes it may have been wrong. I noticed you doing just this when you talked about the GM issue with the ladies on Oppsie Daisy."
I meant to come back to this yesterday...sorry! In that one way, maybe we are somewhat alike. I know I'm prone to opening my mouth and having things roll on out that sometimes I do, later, need to correct and apologize for. And I have no issues in doing so; there's no shame in saying you're wrong and apologizing. The shame is in knowing you are wrong and doing nothing. I do, no question, think we were possibly wrong in accusing GM of stealing the donated money, yes. And I am sorry for my part in that since, in hindsight, I don't recall a single person offering proof of it. But, I do know, factually, of some very ugly things she did to others and while I understand that, *if she was wrongfully accused of theft, she was angry. I would be, too. But where I draw lines she didn't is in exposing of personal information about people and their families to retaliate. She also did go after at least one person who never, ever accused her of anything, simply because she was friends with some who did. That was a shitty thing to do and my mind hasn't changed on that.
"If you can't remember WHY you said something about someone...chances are...it wasn't FACT!!!"
Nah, I'll disagree with this. Sometimes things get lost in the shuffle of internet drama and a person just forgets. At least this person does. :-)
"I know who started that rumor and that in it self was enough for me...just think of the person you said you bullied..."
This? Yes, I believe now she was at the root of most all ugliness back in that time frame and for awhile thereafter. For the record, this brings me to another area in which you and I differ greatly - I don't have a huge problem with verbal (or internet) bullying. Now, *not* physical bullying...that's a different things entirely and never would I be okay with that, but verbal bullying has been around since the beginning of time in some fashion or another and it's never going to change. I'm also not okay with any type of bullying of people with disabilities they cannot help. Same with adults bullying children. Those things set me off into the G category in no time flat. But between normal, non-disabled people, either children or adults? It's human nature, and frankly, I think it serves a purpose. Do I give a rat's ass if adults want to "bully" one another, *especially online, where the bully-ee has the ability to walk away and never come back? Newp, no trouble at all with it, really. It's survival of the fittest out there, Baby. But, involve their kids? Put their personal info out there for any reason other than retaliation for them having done it to you first (and even then, kids need to be left out of it...when it comes to the kids, suck it up and be the bigger person, imo)? Do *anything* that brings their family into it? And again, big lines have been crossed for me and I'll come out pissed off. I know you don't draw that same distinction.
"I think if each one of these ladies goes backs and looks at the things they said on Oppsie Daisy I think that will answer that question."
No, I know of one on that list who *never* did a thing to GM.
Had to do this in two parts, sorry.
"I have done the same and will continue to do it...if you are going to slander me on the Internet, tell lies and bully me....I will make you famous! If you are going to do this I will make sure people know the IRL name that goes with the bully. Now of course I can't always do this cause I don't always have the resources to find the name.... "
Yeah, you and me alike? Not even close. Not even in the same universe. Do you not care that this could cause harm or worry to someone's family? Their kids? Their job? Well, I suppose that's rhetorical, since apparently you don't but two wrongs never make a right and I just think this is bitter and mean. :-(
very informational validates thoughts and feelings about bulling. I would also like to learn more about adult bullies in the work place or with relatives. i have experience both. The bully does take its toll on my self-esteem, sometining wrong with me. Bully especially toward elderly is becoming an epidemic. I experience have experieced bullying not only from my son, but from my step children. Hope to see an article on issue thanks
I am seeing from first hand experience that not only is two of my nephews bullies but their mother and stepdad are too. I am dealing with text messages, online, phonecalls, not to mention the mother going to other family members bullying me to them. I am in my mid 50's and it is extremely difficult for me. It is no wonder we are loosing children because of it. I do not seem to be able to have any legal recourse from the mother except possibly a protection order. We need to have laws to prosecute the bullies whether they are children or adults.
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